It's only here where I can express my thoughts and feelings.. And yes, I know, I've been to a lot of motivational camp, and as far I know, emotions and feelings come from the right brain. Right brains sometimes can be the 'bad' a.k.a. 'negative' brain if we misuse it because it's based on creativity while the left brain is about facts and logical. But still, I'm a sixteen year old virgin who's still learning about life and searching for the truth. Islam is truth. I need someone to talk to right now. Finals is just around the corner, my best friends are all busy with their 'things', I can't even find time to talk to them.. Sometimes I don't even feel like we're even best friends anymore despite the fact that errr... I don't think it's necessary to talk here, but so, anyways, my life is a hectic ! The thing that has been going on with me and the ones I love. It's as if my heart isn't here anymore. It's as if I'm not important to anyone even that I've tried so hard to love and take care of that person.. I'll just end up being a poop to people (that's how I feel right now) Sometimes I even wonder what is there to love? My parents, yes, Allah and Rasulullah Sand my family, of course, my friends... Everything I do, I try to hide the tears in my eyes, a fake smile that covers my face, my entire body. Every time I hurt, I hide it, I'm always trying as possible as I can to not allow my right brain to conquer myself and my mind. But right now, I just can't do it. I'm suppose to be strong but I'm weak.Whatever I do, my heart wasn't there. Do you know how it feels to have someone you love change? Do you know how it feels to be heartbroken? To feel that you're not good enough to make someone happy? To feel you're the lice in his hair? Everything I do, I have a reason, and n0w, I'm scared of my own reason. Scared of what's going to happen then and now, scared of knowing I might lose the person I love. scared of knowing that I won't be with the person I love one day? Cause everything you saw his changes. His life's target now is different. You and him are different. You weren't meant to be together but you love him so much and you want to be together as much as you can but you know you can never be together? Life is difficult. I never said it was easy and I never said it's happiness. You have responsibilities and you have your works, you got things to do and you forget sometimes but people shouldn't change. They shouldn't. But they did. And you are trying your best to fix them and you want them to be an amazing person one day, but when things get hard, they easily give up. You love him. But he never sees how much you did and gave him. You want him to always love you but you know he's not that person that's easy to forget someone. And you're scared of letting him go cause your love for him is way too much. You're scared if you can't be there for him anymore. You're scared if he's alone because you wouldn't want that to happen cause you love him so much.. At that time of life, everyone's avoiding you and no one's going to listen to you or be there for you, except that one particularly true friend you have, you're going to be sensitive in little matters of life. People hurt you, you smile, you act as if nothing happens but inside..only Allah knows. As for now, I'm lost in this world, I don't know what to do, what I want and who am I. So, as I blog about this so emotional blog and now, I shall share all the songs that I think of how I feel right now xx