taken from wehearit.com

Have you ever woke up and wonder about all the things you've done throughout your whole life? Did you do any good? Did you hurt others both intentional or unintentional? Did you actually learn from your mistakes? Do you actually live to improve yourself? All these questions, no one can answer them except yourself- myself. As a Muslim, I'm obligated to do good, but as humans, I can never escape from mistakes. It's okay, I tell myself. I'm still learning, I'm meant to make mistakes.

But do I really learn? Truth is, I don't.

My religion taught me many great things, but it is always up to myself to follow what Allah (God) told me to do; He said with every action, there is an equal reaction. If I don't do good, I won't get good. It is as simple as that. I choose the path of Islam, or to be more precise, my parents choose for me, or oh wait no because my grandparents were the one that choose Islam for my parents (it stops there because my great grandparents was a convert). We were born muslims, we should be thankful (I'm using the pronoun 'we' because I want to relate to you- if you're a muslim, if you're not, it's okay take it as your religion because my point can be related to all religions because I believe that all religion are there for the sake of goodness). We should be embracing our religion, but look at us now? It is, as if, having a stack of gold right in front of you but not doing anything about it.

The thing about being brought up in an Islamic family is that, sometimes I take it easily and I feel like I know everything about it, but I don't. The things that I know could only be the basics and that's like 10% and out of the 10%, how much do I truly apply in my life? This question scares me a lot. In 2013, I decided to take a leap and start wearing hijab, I explored more of Islam and I'm grateful to have my parents who were always keen to learn more in depth about what Islam truly is. However somewhere along the journey, I encountered a (red) traffic light, it turned green a few times (when my parents advised me, when I woke up at 3.a.m which was the perfect time to talk to Allah, etc) but I didn't move.

It takes energy, effort, help altogether to move forward. Likewise learning more, it takes commitment, time, effort and all those things anyone could ever think of. However, it's not like a journey to school where you have to pay for the fare, food, book and so much more. All the information, all the knowledge, all the help is for free! It's there. I can simply go to mosque every day and attend kuliyah maghrib* to gain the knowledge that Mufti Menk** can talk about without paying hundreds of ringgits. I can simply go to the library, or refer to the Quran when I have problems (although it is better to have someone to interpret the meaning). I mean, it's right in front of me, but why am I not moving?

Well, I guess it's because I don't have a clear goal of where am I really going, what am I getting myself into or simply because I'm scared of change.

To have a clear goal, to create my own path, I need to have knowledge of my goal and my goal is paradise, but what exactly is paradise? I'm not so sure myself, but I know it is good.

To be scared of change, I guess that's normal but isn't that what makes us better? Improve? The world changes, back then people weren't civilized, now we have things that those people couldn't even think of and it's all because of change.

So, today, the point of my post is to encourage people that can related to me, and encourage myself to move forward, in shaa Allah***- look for the purpose of life, look for what Islam really is. The traffic light is green all the time, it up to ourselves now- really learn from mistakes (by admitting that we did it), forgive people every day for what they did to us because we will learn to be more patient with that and remember our goal.

Peace upon be you.
Adios, xoxo.

*a religious talk to improve lives of people/ share information
**a famous muslim speaker
***if God wills it in arabic languange